Professionals and volunteers working with women and families
play a valuable and often challenging role in supporting
women who face unplanned pregnancies. The following is adapted
from our "Finding the Words" workshop for professional
caregivers and social workers who speak with women about
adoption and it can be tailored to the needs and questions
of your staff and the community you serve."
•
How do I bring up adoption with a client who has just found
out that she is pregnant? What should I say?
•
What if she is resistant to talking about adoption with me?
•
What if she is interested and I don't have the answers
to all of her questions?
•
When should I refer a prospective birthmother to Adoption Connection?
•
What can I tell her about the birthfather's rights?
•
Can Adoption Connection work with a woman in labor, or a woman
who has already given birth?
•
What if she lives outside of Northern California? Will you
still help her with an adoption plan?
•
What kind of things do you go over in your workshop "Finding
the Words?"
How do I bring up adoption with a client who
has just found out that she is pregnant?
What should I say?
A woman receiving news that her pregnancy test was positive
may feel many different emotions. Giving her a moment to
sit with
the result in silence will give her time to absorb the news.
Some women, after learning about their pregnancy, may want
to be by themselves or with their loved ones to sort out
their feelings
in private. As her counselor you want to make sure that she
has the information necessary to make an informed choice.
That means
discussing all her options.
Asking a woman "Have you
thought about adoption?" may
most likely close the subject with a resounding "NO." You
may instead want to use statements and questions that help
open up an adoption conversation versus shutting one down,
such as:
"I see you are feeling pretty
overwhelmed right now and this is normal. I want to talk with
you a little bit about adoption.
Do you know adoption has changed?"
"I
want to make sure you have all the information you need to
make an informed choice. Adoption has changed and I want
to explain
how…"
"You sound very sure about your decision right
now but I am required to go over all of your options
at this meeting just to
make sure you have everything you need in case you change your mind later…"
Tips:
•
Address adoption just as you would any other pregnancy option.
•
Make sure she has written material to take and read later
in the privacy of her home.
•
Be non-judgmental and open to discussion if she wants to
talk further.
•
Have a few key phrases that you feel comfortable using to
explain open adoption. Practice them with your
colleagues.
•
Incorporate positive adoption terminology into your everyday
language. Don't say "give up," but "place" in
an
adoptive home. Say "biological" parent,
not "real
parent."
« Back to Top
What if she is resistant to talking about adoption
with me?
From our experience the most common response is, "No way,
I could never give up my baby for adoption!" This can
be normal; adoption is not going to be for everyone. But
sometimes women may react very negatively
to the
thought of adoption because they are unsure of what
kind of response
they might receive if they react any other way. Maybe
this is how they were taught to respond by their friends,
parents,
teachers
or siblings.
What to do after a negative response? Have
a few key phrases you can use to make sure she knows that
adoption
can be
a loving alternative.
For example:
- "Adoption may not seem like the
right choice right now but I'm going to give you
some written information and referrals just in case you
have any questions
later on."
- "I'm sure adoption feels like a pretty
overwhelming idea right now, but it can be a loving choice.
Do you know that adoption has changed? Birthmothers stay in contact with their
child so that they can see how great they are
doing."
- "Adoption is not for everyone but I've met some
pretty incredible women who have chosen to place
their babies for adoption. It seems to be working out really
well. They have an open
relationship
with the adoptive family."
Make sure to give her written material to
take with her covering all of her options.
If she
wants to
think about
her choices
later on she will have the information
to make an informed choice.
« Back to Top
What if she is interested
and I don't
have the answers to all of her questions?
This is OK. Adoption can be complicated
just like the feelings that go along
with it.
This could
be a great
time to give
Adoption Connection a call and see if
we can answer her question. You
could also tell her you will find out
for her and get her the information at
a later
time.
« Back to Top
When should I refer a prospective
birthmother to Adoption Connection?
Anytime you feel that you are working
with a birthmother (or father) who would
benefit
from adoption
information,
or who
seems interested in exploring the idea
of placing their baby for adoption.
Call us anytime on our toll free number
1(800) 972-9225 and we can start helping.
« Back to Top
What
can I tell her about the birthfather's
rights?
Birthfather rights in an infant adoption
can be complex and they vary from state
to state.
It is
a good idea
to let a prospective
birthmother know that usually an adoption
can take place, even if she feels the
birthfather
may not
be very supportive.
The
birthfather will need to know that an
adoption will be taking place and can
be involved
in an open adoption
just
like the
birthmother. We can contact him or the
birthmother can contact him
directly.
« Back to Top
Can Adoption Connection work
with a woman in labor, or a woman who has already
given birth?
Yes. We usually work with women who are in their second or
third trimester of pregnancy but we also work with women when
they are in labor or after they have already delivered their
babies. We have loving families who can begin parenting immediately.
« Back to Top
What if she lives outside
of Northern California? Will you still help her with
an adoption
plan?
Yes, we work with birthfamilies throughout
the United States and we can connect
birthmothers
with professionals
to help
them anywhere in the U.S.
« Back to Top
What kind of
things do you go over in the Finding the Words workshop?
"Finding the Words" is our free workshop offered
to social services agencies, clinics, hospitals,
or any professional working
with pregnant women. During our visit
we can talk about how open adoption works, how to talk
to
women
about adoption, and when
to refer women to Adoption Connection.
Our Outreach Coordinator can tailor the discussion and
the
topics to the needs of the
staff and bring materials and brochures
to help counselors talk about adoption.
Topics of "Finding
the Words" can
include:
- How open adoptions works (legally, logistically and emotionally)
- Presenting adoption as an option to a woman facing an unplanned
pregnancy
- The myths and realities of the open adoption process
Adoption Connection would
love to visit with you in your Northern California location. To order
brochures and other birthparent
information, or to schedule a workshop
please Contact Us.
« Back to Top
|
