Whether biological or adopted, bringing home a new baby
is a special time in a person's life, as well as a time of
great change. "All new parents deal with things like
how to get their baby on a schedule or how to get by on
less sleep," says Lynne Fingerman, co-director of
Adoption Connection. "For the most part, adoptive
parents grapple with the same issues as biological parents
once they get their new baby home," adds co-director
Randie Bencanann. Nowhere is this more evident than in
the stories of the following couples who found their lives
forever changed through Adoption Connection.
Welcoming Erin
into the World
Kathi and Paul O'Leary's prayers for a child were finally
answered last year when Adoption Connection called to say
a young couple wanted to meet them. Five days later, at three
o'clock in the morning, they got another call. This time,
it was the birthmother asking for a ride to the hospital.
Present
during the birthmother's entire labor, Kathi watched her
give birth to a healthy baby girl. Paul, however, had
stepped out for a short break and returned jus minutes after
the delivery. Moments later, he and Kathi took turns cradling
their new daughter, Erin, in their arms. "The whole
experience was so amazing. I never expect the bond with Erin
to be so intense or to happen so quickly," says Kathi.
Although
she didn't have to recover physically from Erin's birth,
Kathi did need time to adjust mentally, "During
the adoption process, we were never quite sure when or if
we'd ever find a child. Even once we got Erin home, it took
awhile to get used to the idea that we were finally parents."
There
have been some major career adjustments too. A few months
prior to the adoption, Kathi launched a freelance
photography business out of her home, while Paul worked toward
his Ph.D. With a child to support and Kathi's business just
getting off the ground, Paul put school on hold to accept
a full-time job. Explains Paul, "My job provides us
with health benefits, a steady income and, most important,
a sense of financial security."
Considering all the changes
in their lives, it's not surprising that Kathi and Paul feel
overwhelmed at times. "The
hardest part of parenting has been learning to communicate
better and share things, so we don't argue and get stressed
out," says Kathi.
While they've had to reevaluate their
priorities and readjust their roles and responsibilities,
both Kathi and Paul agree
that it's all been worth it. As Kathi puts it, being a parent
is the hardest job you'll every love!
Say Hello to Emma
Unlike couples who spend months preparing for the arrival
of a biological child, Annette and Steve Tappe had just 24
hours. They had been trying to adopt for over a year when
Adoption Connection called about a baby that had just been
born. "We went to the hospital the next day to meet
the birthmother and brought Emme home with us that afternoon," recalls
Annette.
With little time to adjust to the idea of being a
new parent, Steve remembers being in shock for the first
week or two.
Adds Annette, "It all happened so fast, it was hard
to believe. But, once I realized this little person was our
child, I bonded with her and couldn't think about anything
or anyone else."
Annette and Steve were amazed at how
quickly Emma took over their home and their lives. "Her
toys are everywhere, and it seems like I never have enough
time to get things
done," says Annette. "I can't plan anything more
than 15 minutes in advance, because I never know what's going
to happen next."
Like many new parents, Steve and Annette
spent many nights rocking their baby to sleep and trying
to get her on a schedule. "The
first couple of months were the hardest, because we were
so tired all the time," says Steve. "We found it
worked best to alternate the nights we each took care of
Emma." Fortunately for Steve and Annette, Emma began
sleeping through the night when she was just a few months
old.
Sleepless nights aside, Steve and Annette call Emma a
dream baby and marvel at everything she does. She's even
taught
her parents how to enjoy the simple things in life, "We
used to go out more often or have people over to visit," says
Steve. "Now, a trip to the bookstore and ice cream parlor
is a big outing, and it's great because Emma is so much fun!" For
Annette, it's hard to remember life before Emma. "It's
so wonderful being a family!"
Meet Baby Claire
When Sarah and Mike Johnson first laid eyes on their adoptive
daughter Claire, they didn't realize the tremendous effect
she would have on them. "Everyone told us that our lives
would change completely once we had a baby, but until you're
there, it's hard to understand how much time and energy it
takes to be a parent," says Sarah.
As new parents, Sarah
and Mike find they have less time alone together, but say
the challenges they face as parents have
brought them closer. "Claire gives us a common focus
and makes us depend on each other in ways we've never had
before," says Mike. Adds Sarah, "Because of Claire,
we're constantly learning new things about each other, and
we've been together 14 years!"
Like many parents, Sarah
and Mike find childcare a constant preoccupation. "Once
you have a child, you can't make a move without taking her
with you or making sure someone
you trust is watching her," explains Sarah. The couple
interviewed several candidates before finding a part-time
nanny they were comfortable with. Their lives were soon thrown
into turmoil, however, when the nanny quit, and they had
to begin the whole search all over again.
Nevertheless, Sarah
and Mike enjoy being parents and say that Claire adds greater
meaning to their lives, as well
as an incredible amount of joy. "Everything I do with
Claire, whether it's feeding her toast or going to the grocery
store, takes on new meaning and is so much fun," says
Sarah. Mike agrees, "It's so refreshing to be around
Claire, She looks at the world with such newness before we
had Claire, I had no idea how much a child could enrich our
lives."
*Some of the names in this article have been changed in
order to preserve privacy.
© 1998. Adoption Connection. All Rights Reserved.
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