What is a Lifebook?
A Lifebook, or adoption storybook, is a handmade scrapbook and keepsake that chronicles and illustrates a child’s journey to his or her adoptive home. It is used as a source of information as well as a way to open up the discussion of adoption with a child.
Why is it beneficial to create a Lifebook for my child?
Looking at a Lifebook can help adopted children learn about their history. Having a book to look at, read, and enjoy together can also be a catalyst for discussion between parent and child. Children can ask questions that are important to them and parents can address them with age-appropriate answers. Some parents find that their child will want to read and look at their Lifebook every night before they go to sleep for six months and then suddenly decide to leave it on the bookshelf for a while before taking it down again for new discussion and insight. The Lifebook can be kept in the child’s room to be looked at alone if he or she wishes.
What should I include?
Every Lifebook will be different and may include individual keepsakes and photographs from the child’s birth and/or early history. They can be typed or handwritten. Some families will buy a photograph album to use as the base of their child’s Lifebook, while others may use a three-ring binder so that individual pages can be updated or added.
Many families provide answers to questions that their young child may have when looking at the book together, such as: Where am I from? Why was I adopted?
Some families create a personal name for their child’s book like “Leon’s First Year” or “The Day Abigail Was Born.” Families adopting internationally may include early pictures of their children with their foster families or caregivers. Maps, visas or postcards can be included to show the parents’ trip to the foreign country. In a domestic adoption the book may start with a picture of the child’s birthmother at an initial meeting or before she gives birth. Keepsakes, like the child’s hospital wristband, can be included or perhaps a special note or object from the birth family. Remember, the Lifebook is for the child, not for the adoptive parent. The focus should be how the child came to your family, not the adoptive family’s journey to parenting.
Why does getting started feel so hard?
For many families who have experienced infertility and then the emotional roller coaster of adoption, looking back to the child’s adoption will bring up feelings of excitement and joy, but may also elicit feelings of disappointment or sadness related to their inability to conceive a biological child. Feeling ready to begin the book will be different for each family.
Also, adoptive parents who may have gathered images, mementos and design ideas may still struggle with the actual writing. It can take time and contemplation to find the right words to address difficult questions in a child’s history.
Where can I find ideas, information and support?
Because the process of putting together a Lifebook can bring up difficult emotions for adoptive parents, many families benefit from one-time or ongoing Lifebook workshops to gain support, ask questions and brainstorm ideas with adoption professionals and other adoptive parents. Adoption Connection schedules “Creating a Lifebook” workshops, as well as Parents Place of JFCS Sonoma. Working through some of these feelings will help parents feel more comfortable when they share the book with their child. They can practice answering difficult questions with other adoptive parents and gain support normalizing the emotional issues they face.
Here are a few good websites to find ideas, support, online workshops, newsletters and community message boards:
www.adoptionlearningpartners.org
www.lifebooksource.com
www.adoptionlifebooks.com
www.scrapandtell.com
Get started and good luck!
Written by Leah Sheldon
© 2006. Adoption Connection. All Rights Reserved.
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