When Cricket unexpectedly discovered that she was pregnant,
she decided immediately to make an adoption plan for her
baby. "I'd gone through a bad break-up with the birthfather
and was in no position to raise a child at that point in
my life." Within days, she learned that her neighbors
were interested in adoption a baby and had enlisted the help
of Adoption Connection. "We all got together and planned
an open adoption, work out all the roles."
Because the baby was placed through Adoption Connection,
Cricket was able to benefit from the birthmother counseling
available as part of agency adoptions. One of the legal requirements
of adoption through an agency is that the birthmother sees
a social work for counseling at least twice during the process.
The role of the social worker is to advice the birthmother
of her rights and available options. (A birthfather who is
living with or married to a birthmother is also required
to receive counseling.)
Many birthmothers use counseling to cope with the range
of emotions they experience during and after pregnancy. "Even
when a birthmother feels secure in her decision to place
her baby, she can still benefit from counseling," says
Lynne Fingerman, co-director of Adoption Connection. "Although
at first she may not want counseling because she's happy
with how things are going, she may see things differently
after giving birth. We can prepare her for feelings of sadness
and grief that are likely to occur after her baby is born."
Randie Bencanann, co-director of Adoption Connection with
Fingerman, agrees and adds, "If a birthmother is at
all ambivalent about her decision to place her baby, it's
better for her to resolve he feelings sooner rather than
later when everyone has become emotionally invested in the
placement of the baby. Counseling can be a real help."
Cricket feels the adoption process went well. Although the
adoptive family has since moved away, she keeps in touch
with them by phone and occasional visits. She never wavered
from her initial resolve to place her baby in an adoptive
home and feels that the way everything worked out was "meant
to be." Cricket found the counseling services arranged
by Adoption Connection to be helpful and believes that availing
oneself of counseling is the best thing a birthmother can
do.
Counseling often begins when a birthmother calls the agency
for help deciding whether or not to make an adoption plan,
Subsequent adoption counseling takes place once a birthmother
makes the decision to place her baby. She may use her counseling
time to express fears about giving birth, work out her relationship
with the adoptive parents, confront doubts about placing
her baby, or address problems she may have with the birthfather
or other family members. "For me, it was the difficulties
I was having with the birthfather," says Cricket. "Talking
with a therapist helped me resolve a lot of anger and get
on with my life."
In an agency adoption, professional social workers are available
to counsel, consult and educate, with all services provided
free to birthmothers. They are particularly adept at listening
for underlying feelings that may be difficult for a birthmother
to express. Besides lending emotional support and providing
information, agency social workers may also serve as mediators
between birthparents and adoptive parents to help work out
problems and ensure that all participants' needs are met
throughout the adoption process.
Even after an adoption is final, Adoption Connection social
workers continue to be available to the birthmother for post-placement
counseling at any time she may want support dealing with
issues around her baby or the adoptive family.
"Professional counseling can help a birthmother feel
better about herself and assist her as she moves forward
in her life," says Fingerman. "The adoption process
can be an opportunity for a birthmother to grow...to see
herself and her decision in a positive light."
Adoption Connection provides a range of free, confidential
services including counseling for birthmothers and birthfathers.
For information, call 1-800-972-9225.
©1998. Adoption Connection. All Rights Reserved.
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