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When Ardena went into labor she knew that afterward she would
be placing her baby for adoption. She had been working with
an adoptive family for the last few months of her pregnancy.
Through phone calls, walks in the park and family dinners
she and the adoptive family had gotten to know one another
and hammer out the details of their open adoption. Ardena
knew she would have support while she was in labor and the
hospital had been informed of the pending adoption. "The
adoptive parents helped me out through every step. Susie (the
adoptive mom) went to my doctor appointments and was my birthing
coach. It was so amazing to share that with her," she
says.
But not all adoptions have the kind of pre-planning described
above. Crystal had thought about adoption when she was pregnant
but didn't really consider it a serious option until she was
in the hospital and faced directly with the decision. (Crystal's
story.) In this type of placement Adoption Connection
may get a call from a hospital social worker and be asked
to come and meet with a woman who is in labor, or has just
given birth, to create an immediate adoption. Adoption Connection
calls this an immediate hospital placement.
In an immediate hospital placement everyone involved must
work quickly: The hospital social worker needs to call the
agency, the birthmother begins to think about what type of
family she would like to adopt her baby, and the agency starts
gathering adoption paperwork and counseling the birthmother.
Meanwhile, the adoptive family needs to prepare themselves
for a new baby in their lives. Sometimes this is all is done
within 24 hours! Randie Bencanann, LCSW, Adoption Connection's
co-director, has facilitated many of these last-minute placements
and says, "Even though it can be a stressful experience
for everyone involved, it can nevertheless result in a solid
adoption."
When Adoption Connection gets the call about a baby's birth
and the need for an adoptive family, an agency social worker
will go to the hospital to speak with the birthmother and
see if she is ready to move forward with her plans. "Even
in a last-minute placement I encourage a birthmother to take
part in choosing the adoptive family. She may want to look
at Dear Birthmother letters and talk with a few families over
the phone," says Randie. In Crystal's case the adoptive
parents were able to meet her in the hospital before she or
the baby were discharged. Women who have given birth are going
through an emotionally and physically charged time. Randie
says, "Women should remember that calling an agency doesn't
mean they are committed to placing their baby. They may just
need someone knowledgeable to answer their questions about
adoption so that they can make the best decision."
The question that many people ask about this type of last
minute-situation is why a birth mother would wait so long
to create a plan. Randie feels that there are many things
that may factor into a mother waiting until after she has
given birth. "For starters a birth mom may be keeping
her pregnancy a secret from her family or friends… or
perhaps she feels like she'll only be sure of her decision
after she has had the baby, and exhausted all other options."
In Crystal's case it was a combination of the two.
Debra Haber, a hospital social worker, supports woman when
they are in labor and delivery. She has worked with women
to create immediate hospital adoption placements as well as
with women like Ardena who have planned ahead. She feels that
planning will help an adoption run very smoothly. "The
birth mom has time to prepare for the feelings she'll have
while she is in the hospital," says Debra.
For Debra adoption will come up in her conversation with
a woman who has just given birth, "when I see that a
new mother is distracted or not bonding with her baby."
Debra tries to discuss the woman's feelings about parenting
while also letting her know that she thinks that adoption
can be a very positive and caring choice. She says, "Being
non-judgmental is very important."
Other counseling professionals have similar advice. Making
sure that a woman knows that she is safe to talk about her
feelings honestly at any point in the process is key. She
needs to know that she can discuss her situation and know
she won't be judged for feeling overwhelmed by the prospect
of parenting, or for considering adoption. Norma Hammons is
a pregnancy-testing counselor who works with women at a private
clinic. She makes sure she and her volunteers always make
adoption part of their pregnancy counseling. "Some women
come in and just say they may be pregnant, while others are
almost due and need guidance on where to go from here,"
says Norma. She uses her own personal experience to open up
the adoption conversation. Norma is a proud birth grandparent
and talks about her family history of open adoption as a positive
example.
Whether a woman decides to create a plan prior to birth or
make a last-minute placement after the baby is born, it is
good to remember that it is never too late to create an adoption
plan.
Some of the names in this article have been changed for confidentiality.
Written by Leah Sheldon
© 2005. Adoption Connection. All Rights Reserved.
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